So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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