Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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