jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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