I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
