I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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