you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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