dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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