Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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