I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
