You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
