We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
