Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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