I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
