Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
