he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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