my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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