just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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