I wanna passion pit in your ass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
