i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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