More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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