fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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