He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
