Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
