these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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