Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
