i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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