i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
