yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
