I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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