she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
