you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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