No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
