The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
