I just pynch a tree in the face
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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