When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
