Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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