I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
