last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
