Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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