Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
