So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
