Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
