I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
