NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I could fuck to npr.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
