The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
