dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
