I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
