u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
