were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Houston, we have a blender
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
