Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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