I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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